From: Jon Locke 
Subject: [illusions] Darwin Awards (strangely funny)
Date: 12 Apr 1999 15:22:22 -0400
To: voltron@vol.com

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>From: Elliemiser@aol.com
>Date: Sat, 10 Apr 1999 13:23:36 EDT
>Subject: Darwin Awards (strangely funny)
>To: Elliemiser@aol.com
>MIME-Version: 1.0
>Reply-To: Elliemiser@aol.com
>X-MIME-Autoconverted: from quoted-printable to 8bit by
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>
>Darwin Awards
>
>Once again it is time to start thinking about casting your vote for
>the 1998 Darwin Award winner! As you may already know, the
>Darwin Awards are for those nominees who contribute to the gene
>pool by dying in spectacularly stupid ways before they breed
>(thankfully).
>
>The 1998 nominees are:
>
>NOMINEE No.1 [San Jose Mercury News]:
>
>An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former
>girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the
>gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
>
>NOMINEE No.2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]
>
>James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, Mich., was killed in
>March as he was trying to repair what police described as a “farm-
>type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway
>while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source
>of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however,
>and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
>
>NOMINEE No.3: [Hickory Daily Record]
>
>Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in
>December in Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the sound of a
>ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but
>grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which discharged
>when he drew it to his ear.
>
>NOMINEE No.4: [UPI, Toronto]
>
>Police said a lawyer, demonstrating the safety of windows in a
>downtown Toronto skyscraper, crashed through a pane with his
>shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman
>said Gary Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto
>Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining
>the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students.
>
>Hoy previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength
>according to police reports. Peter Lawyers, managing partner of
>the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper
>that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the
>200-man association.
>
>NOMINEE No.5: [Bloomburg News Service]
>
>A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for
>the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no
>mark on his body but an autopsy showed large amounts of methane
>gas in his system.
>
>His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple
>of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It
>appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous
>cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his
> windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was
>shut up in his near airtight bedroom.
>
>According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity
>for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick and
>one was hospitalized.
>
>NOMINEE No.6: [The News of the Weird.]
>
>Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously.
>He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair
>on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life
>in prison. Whilst sitting on a metal toilet in his cell and attempting
>to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
>
>NOMINEE NO.7: ["The Indianapolis Star"]
>
>A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a
>muzzle loader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged
>in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died
>in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators
>said Pryor was cleaning a .54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been
>firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel
>when the gunpowder ignited.
>
>NOMINEE No.8: [AP, St. Louis]
>
>Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis
>market.  When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed
>a hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying
>for it.  Police found him unconscious in front of the store.
>Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it
>had choked him to death.
>
>NOMINEE No.9: [Unknown]
>
>To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him
>on an overhanging rock-and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
>
>NOMINEE No.10: [Associated Press, Kincaid, W. VA]
>
>A man at a party popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit
>down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth and
>tongue, State Police said Wednesday.
>
>Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank
>during a party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne.
>
>"Another man had it in an aquarium, hooked to a battery, and was
>trying explode it,"  Payne said. It wouldn't go off and this guy
>said, "'I'll show you how to set it off."
>
>NOMINEE No.11: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]
>
>A man cleaning a Birdfeeder on the balcony of his condominium
>apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his
>death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the
>accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional
>Police. "It appears the chair moved and he went over the balcony,"
>Honer said.
>
>NOMINEE No.12: [UPI, Portland, OR]
>
>Doctors at Portland's University Hospital said Wednesday an
>Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to
>be alive, and will be released soon from the hospital.
>
>Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye during an initiation into a
>men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants Pass, OR.
>A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered
>Robert's right eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to
>the left, a major blood vessel would have cut and Roberts would have
>died instantly.
>
>Neurosurgeon Dr. Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in
>Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain, with
>the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to
>miss all major blood vessels.  Delashaw also said that if Robert had
>tried to pull the arrow out he surely would have killed himself.
>Roberts admitted afterwards he and his friends had been drinking
>that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this."
>
>NOMINEE No.13 The Calgary Sun
>
>A man arguing over a love triangle accidentally shot himself in
>the groin, taking off his testicles and part of his penis. Police
>said the man was waving a .357 Magnum revolver around during
>the shouting match early yesterday, but when he stuffed it back
>in his pants, the gun went off. Police were called to the hospital
>after the man in his 20s was brought in by friends. Charges are
>pending against the victim, who is expected to survive.
>
>and finally,
>
>NOMINEE No.14: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]
>
>Two local men were seriously injured when their pick-up truck left
>the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway
>38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey
>Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday.
>
>Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little
>Rock, are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The
>accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a
>frog gigging trip.
>
>On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights
>malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on
>the older model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was
>not available, Wallis noticed that the bullet from his pistol fit
>perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column.
>
>Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate
>properly, and the two men proceeded on east-bound toward the
>White River bridge.
>
>After traveling approximately twenty miles and just before
>crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged
>and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved
>sharply to the right exiting the pavement and striking a tree.
>Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident,
>but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained
>a broken clavicle and was treated and released.
>
>"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his
>balls off or we might both be dead" stated Wallis. "I've been a
>trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but this is a first
>for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this
>accident happened", said Snyder.
>
>Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife asked
>how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them
>from the truck.
>
>~~~~~
>If you are considering doing some camping this Spring and
>Summer, please note the following public service
>announcement:
>
>In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their
>clothing when hiking in bear country.
>
>The bells warn away MOST bears (grizzly, black, etc.) but be
>careful because they don't scare Kodiak/brown bears.
>
>Tourists are cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying
>particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the
>presence of Kodiak/brown bears.
>
>One can easily spot a Kodiak/brown bear's droppings. Those
>are the droppings that contain those tiny bells.
>==========================
>

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