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Date: Mon, 15 Mar 1999 07:20:17 EST
From: Spiritsevp@aol.com
To: visited@onelist.com,
    InTheShadows@onelist.com,
    Illusions@bticc.net,
    LEEFINKLE@aol.com
Subject: [Illusions] HUMOR

-=> Illusions Mailing List


===============================

< THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE:
     AGE-FAVORITE DRINK
      17   beer
      25   bourbon
      35   vodka
      48   double vodka
      66   Maalox

      AGE-SEDUCTION LINE
      17   My parents are away for the weekend.
      25   My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
      35   My fiancee is away for the weekend.
      48   My wife is away for the weekend.
      66   My second wife is dead.

     AGE-FAVORITE SPORT
      17   sex
      25   sex
      35   sex
      48   sex
      66   napping

     AGE   DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
      17   "tongue"
      25   "breakfast"
      35   "She didn't set back my therapy."
      48   "I didn't have to meet her kids."
      66   "Got home alive."

     AGE   FAVORITE FANTASY
      17   getting to third
      25   airplane sex
      35   menage a trois
      48   taking the company public
      66   Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

     AGE   HOUSE PET
      17   roaches
      25   stoned-out college roommate
      35   Irish setter
      48   children from his first marriage
      66   Barbi

     AGE   WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
      17   25
      25   35
      35   48
      48   66
      66   17

     AGE   IDEAL DATE
      17   Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
      25   "Split the check before we go back to my place"
      35   "Just come over."
      48   "Just come over and cook."
      66   sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

     THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE:

     AGE   FAVORITE DRINK
      17   Wine Coolers
      25   White wine
      35   Red wine
      48   Dom Perignon
      66   Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

     AGE   EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
      17   Need to wash my hair
      25   Need to wash and condition my hair
      35   Need to color my hair
      48   Need to have Francois color my hair
      66   Need to have Francois color my wig

     AGE   FAVORITE SPORT
      17   shopping
      25   shopping
      35   shopping
      48   shopping
      66   shopping

     AGE   DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
      17   "Burger King"
      25   "Free meal"
      35   "A diamond"
      48   "A bigger diamond"
      66   "Home Alone"

     AGE   FAVORITE FANTASY
      17   tall, dark and handsome
      25   tall, dark and handsome with money
      35   tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
      48   a man with hair
      66   a man

     AGE   HOUSE PET
      17   Muffy the cat
      25   Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
      35   Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
      48   Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
      66   Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat

     AGE   WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
      17   17
      25   25
      35   35
      48   48
      66   66

     AGE   IDEAL DATE
      17   He offers to pay
      25   He pays
      35   He cooks breakfast the next morning
      48   He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
      66   He can chew breakfast
===========================================

>From Pat

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