From: David Weber 
Subject: [Illusions] The Borg and Microsoft
Date: 10 Jan 1999 15:29:33 -0500
To: illusions@bticc.net

-=> Illusions Mailing List <=-

Star Trek and Microsoft
>
>
>"Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your
>attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And
>Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command
>pathways?"
>
>
>"Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching 
>through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing
>technology."
>
>computer screen.>
>
>
>"What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
>
>
>"Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some
>reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command
>pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will
>begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."
>
>
>"But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter
>their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
>
>
>"Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates
>a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of
>resources increases exponentially with each iteration.
>
>The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. 
>Eventually all of their processing ability will be
>taken over, and none will be available for their normal
>operational functions."
>
>
>"Excellent work. This is even better than that
>'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."
>
>.. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .
>
>
>"Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows'
>in the command unit and as expected it immediately
>consumed 85% of all resources. We however have
>not received any confirmation of the expected
>'upgrade'"
>
>
>"Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg
>storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we
>still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate
>for their increase."
>
>
>"Data, scan the history banks again and determine if
>their is something we have missed."
>
>
>"Sir, I believe their is a reason for the failure in the
>'upgrade'.  Apparently the Borg have circumvented that
>part of the plan by not sending in their registration
>cards.
>
>
>"Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to
>begin emergency escape sequence 3F . . ."
>
>
>"Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has
>suddenly dropped to 0%!"
>
>
>"Data, what does your scanners show?"
>
>
>"Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows'
>module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the
>CPU capacity."
>
>
>"Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce
>their functionality."
>
>.. . . Two Hours Pass . . .
>
>
>"Geordi what's the status on the Borg?"
>
>
>"As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer
>to compensate for increased CPU and storage
>demands, but each time they successfully increase
>resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor
>beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from
>something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.
>
>
>"How much time will that buy us ?"
>
>
>"Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate
>an interest time span of 6 more hours."
>
>
>"Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."
>
>
>"Identify."
>
>
>"It appears to have markings very similar to the
>'Microsoft' logo."
>
>
>"THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT
>FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY.  WE HAVE POSITIVE
>CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE
>IN THIS SECTOR.  SURRENDER ALL ASSETS, AND
>WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10
>SECONDS."
>
>
>"The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches
>and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."
>
>
>"Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft."
>
>
>"Good Grief, captain! Those are humans floating
>straight toward the Borg ship with no life support
>suits!  How can they survive the tortures of deep space?!"
>
>
>"I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will
>look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying
>something recognized by twenty-first century man as
>doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits."
>
>
>"Lawyers!!"
>
>
>"It can't be.  All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent
>hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."
>
>
>"True, but apparently some must have survived."
>
>
>"They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering
>it with all types of papers."
>
>
>"I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red
>tape' it often proves fatal."
>
>
>"They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"
>
>
>"Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even
>the Borg deserve that."
>
>
>

"To follow Knowledge like a sinking Star,Beyond the utmost bound of human
thought.........
 To Strive,To Seek,To Find and not to Yield."    Tennysons' Ulysses

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-=> Posted by:  David Weber  <=-